How Unfortunate to be Named After the Douchey God of Wine
by Madame Cross Marian
Summary: A series of one-shots revolving around the relationships of Dionysia Medeia Jackson and the men of the Percy Jackson series. All will take place in different AUs, so it's not just her getting around Apollo style. Depending on the one-shot they could range from tragedy to comedy, or even just lady Percy chilling with Annabeth. Whatever you guys wanna see. Fem!Percy
1. Chapter 1

AN: FIRST UP, IN THIS CORNER, WE HAVE MEDEIA(FEM PERCY) AND APOLLO ENJOY THE SHOW, LOVE THE SPARKS FLY, XOXO PEACE MOTHERFUCKERS

*ahem* Anyways, this will take place during "The Lost Hero" (which I do not own) and feature godly/immortal fem!Percy (who I may or may not own). Backstory here just being the typical one for this kind of story, though I do hope the story itself isn't so. Apollo and Medeia got together, got married, she got immortality, etc, etc. Annabeth was switched instead of Percy, Clarisse is the one going after her, because I'm pretty sure Hera's not quite dumb enough to steal the wife of Apollo, former demigod only daughter of Poseidon. Just a feeling. Anyways, ONWARD. TO MAIL- oh wait, that's Hermes.

-Story Start-

"You're a really shitty god, you know that, Apollo?" She crossed her arms and gave him the most judgmental look she could muster. Her slightly rounded tummy sagged just a bit over the top of her jeans and her hair was let out of its customary mermaid braid in her not so subtle anger at the god before her.

"So you keep telling me." He flashed her a smile.

"I mean it this time," she frowned. "I just wanna take a little tiny visit to see that Jason guy. A really short one."

"Right. Like how you'd only spend just a few minutes in that blue-themed candy store. Or how you'd only spend a few minutes at your freshman orientation."

"C'mon," she practically stamped her foot in frustration. "Annabeth is my friend and I'm not just gonna sit back and let Hera mess with her like this!"

"It's against the rules."

"Oh, now you decide to follow the rules, _Fred."_

"I don't know what you have against the name Fred."

"Well it certainly hasn't helped that you keep suggesting it as a name for our f_emale _child."

"Fred is a perfectly acceptable name," he pouted, then held up his hands dramatically as if he were about to say something important. She groaned. "Though my wife disagrees

I shall listen to my heart

Fred is a cool name."

"The first line was six syllables."

"Really?" He looked thoughtful as if that were the only problem. "Oh, I've got it! 'Though my wife is harsh'. That's five syllables!" He smiled and nodded proudly to himself. Medeia groaned.

"That's it. I'm gonna go talk to Jason now, so if you'll just excuse me," she attempted to step around him out the door.

"Nice try, fishy goddess, but you aren't going anywhere."

"You do realize I can teleport, right?"

"But that would be so cruel!" He mock gasped.

"Right." She rolled her eyes. "Look, I'm going either way, the only difference is wether you're coming with me or not." His eyes narrowed at her momentarily. _Sigh._ They returned to normal as he theatrically gave in.

"Whatever makes the fishy goddess happy."

"Ships, Apollo. I'm the goddess of ships. And marine life."

"Fishies."

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes but a smile stained her attempt at an angry expression. "Are we going or not?"

"Lead the way."

In a flash they were gone.

-With Jason-

There were two things he wasn't expecting when he went to take a piss that evening. One, there was sea water on the floor. He trudged through it, though it wasn't quite deep enough even to reach his ankles, in a swell of confusion. Then he saw its source.

An ebony haired woman with her hair pulled to the side in a haphazard attempt at a mermaid braid stood with her arms crossed in the center of the room. Sea water, the same color as her eyes, slowly trickled down from it's unidentified spout to a stop around her feet, which looked surprisingly dry. Next to her, with his arm wrapped around her waist, was a semi-tall blonde man with a bright smile despite the droplets that splashed his face.

"Um-" he stammered intelligently. Why was there some pretty fifteen year-old girl in the men's bathroom? He looked back at the equally good-looking man standing next to her. "This is the men's." He proclaimed lamely.

"No, I couldn't tell." Her voice dripped with sarcasm. "Trust me, this wasn't my first choice of meeting but I'd prefer not to be seen."

"And she's still terrible at teleporting. Gets all mixed in with her other powers- well, you see."

"Hey!" She smacked his arm but a playful grin remained stretched across her pale lips. "It's harder than it looks."

"Right. So...who are you guys exactly?" The girl's face turned serious as though she just remembered what they came for. With that expression he had a feeling it wasn't exactly going to be about sunshine and rainbows.

"Right, so I know a lot's gone down with you lately, and I don't just mean this morning, but I figured what I have to say couldn't possibly hurt, but for the full story, which I promise isn't actually very long, I first need to tell you who we are. For one, my name is Medeia Jackson, and this is Apollo of no last name."

She paused to let that sink in.

"Wait- but hasn't Olympus been closed for a month or something now?"

"Oh. Right." She looked suspiciously akin to a child that had been caught with their hand in a cookie jar.

"Yeah, we're sort of breaking godly law for you here, so I hope you appreciate it."

"Ignore him, no one gives a shit about godly law." She insisted not so assuredly.

"Alright. He's Apollo, I can believe that. But who are you supposed to be. I don't know about any Medeia, unless you're the one who killed Jason's- the first Jason's- and hers kids, which I guess isn't impossible, but I doubt."

"See?" She looked at the man. "This is why I hate my name."

"Would you prefer to be called Dionysia?"

"How about no," she shuddered.

"Or -"

"Don't push it." She remained smiling. He was noticing more and more her apparent lack if ability to frown at the god. Were they together? He did say Mrs. But from all he knew Apollo wasn't exactly the type to be tied down. This Medeia had to be something special.

"Anyways, as I keep trying to tell you, and keep being _rudely interrupted_," she glared pointedly at Apollo. "There's a girl who's disappeared. Her name's Annabeth Chase, and she's a good friend of mine."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to know I'll be helping you out a bit, and not to trust the first thing you see. I wish I could elaborate, but hopefully the fact I'm willing to pop up here like a big middle finger in dear uncle's face let's you take my vagueness seriously, at least."

"Right, 'cause you did when you were fifteen."

"Well what's your input then, god of bad haikus?"

He mock gasped. "That's the worst thing you've ever said to me." He held up his hands in a "pause everything" gesture.

"Don't even think about it," she grabbed his wrist just as the god opened his mouth to speak and just as soon they were gone. Apparently taking the water with them was just asking too much.

-With Medeia-

"Nothing's changed!" The new goddess groaned. "Really, useless, that's what that trip was."

"Just 'cause you're married to an awesome guy like me don't think you can get everything, fishy goddess."

"That's it!" She stood up abruptly, almost tumbling forward with the weight of her stomach.

"Wait wait wait," he slid in front of her with his arms forming a barrier to prevent her from going any further. "Where are you going exactly?"

"Um," she responded eloquently.

"What are you gonna do, visit Jason again? Because that worked out so well last time? Go on a one woman hunt for Annabeth?"

"Are you kidding me, I'm not going anywhere like this, I've got at least two months before I'm helping those assholes again." She huffed.

"Would you like a haiku-"

"No."She stormed over to the window in a sudden fit of rage and stuck her head out above the ground miles below them. "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CURRENTS I REDIRECTED FOR YOU!"

"Okay, let's settle down before you drown your fishies." He insisted, pulling her back in and setting her down on the window seat.

"Three, Apollo. I redirected three."

"That's lovely dear, but this stress isn't good for you, and I know it'd kill you a bit inside if they got hurt but we've got eons. I'm not sacrificing you for them."

"Don't be logical. It doesn't suit you." She smiled sadly at him.

"Don't be broody. It doesn't suit you."

"Touché..." She looked up at him. "Frederica."

"What?"

"You kept insisting on Fred. So Frederica."

A smile of comprehension began to creep on his face and in moment she was being swung around in a half-dance.

"Wonder if you appreciate it," she said with a sarcastic smile and a peck on the lips. "Frederica Ambrosia Jackson."

"Hey, who ever said anything about Jackson?"

"But you approve of Ambrosia."

He laughed, giving her thumbs up. "It's a cool name. But Frederica is cooler."

"That's why it's the first one."

"Your first name is Dionysia-"

"Ugh, don't remind me. Middle names are kinda like a back up plan for if someone hates the first one. It took me twelve years, but I certainly hate it now," she groaned.

"You're a lot cooler than that guy. Or I wouldn't have chased after you in the first place," he assured.

"Glad to know you aren't shallow enough to judge me based off my name."

"Most of the time," he agreed proudly. "So about Jackson..."

-Two Months Later-

"BEST. SHIP. EVER."

"Ah, you probably shouldn't get up."

"LIKE HELL I SHOULDN'T, THIS IS MY DOMAIN ASSHAT."

"Sheeh, chill out, would y-"

"Um, um," the girl stopped in her position and stammered. Her hand flew to her stomach.

"What? Why- ooooh. Oh, um, shit. Well... I don't know..." He looked around as though some magical solution to their problem would burst in through the wall.

"I don't know either!" She join him in his frantic search around the room. He heard a scream as she rolled over on her back.

"I may be awesome, but this isn't in my job description, man..." He ran his finger through his hair and continued to look around.

"THEN GO GET SOMEONE WHO IT IS."

"Eh? Oh, right, right." He hurried out, probably eager to escape the situation. A few minutes later he came running back in with a cute, short, chubby woman with dark red hair ombred shades of blue at the ends and warm gold eyes.

"Eileithyia," she introduced herself. Medeia just nodded weakly.

"So who are you ag- WHY MUST YOU HURT ME SO, CHILD."

"Yelling at it won't help, hun." She pulled her hair back with a blue ribbon.

"NO I THOUGHT I MIGHT SCARE IT OUT."

"Ah! Don't use that tone of voice with me, kid. You really aren't in the position," she huffed.

"JUST HELP ME OUT HERE ALREADY."

They all had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

-Later, still with Medeia-

"Tartarus. She fell into Tartarus. APOLLO SHE FELL INTO FREAKING TARTARUS."

"Not cool," he agreed sagely.

"How in Hades am I supposed to help her in Tartarus? Just walk on in like 'Hey, what up Uncle Hades, can I borrow a really really long rope?'" She groaned and the child in her lap stared up at her with a 'what the hell is wrong with you' type expression.

"Sorry, fishy goddess, I can only take you west."

"So you keep telling me."

"I'm sure it'll be fine..."

"She could die!"

"And I'm sure she'll go to Elysium, but I'm also sure she'll be fine."

"Sure because you can see the future, sure because you think she'll be fine, or sure because you're lying?"

"No comment."

"Ugh, you're an ass sometimes, you know that?"

"Pah, I'm awesome."

"And modest, too."

"I know, right?" He held up his hands in his haiku gesture.

"Medeia worries

Frederica is distressed

But I am awesome"

"Well, at least the syllables were right this time," she blew a loose chunk of hair out of her face and ran her fingers threw Frederica's chocolate brown hair. Apollo beamed like it was the greatest complement he'd ever been given. She guessed in his mind it may have been.

"I should tell Artemis!"

She couldn't help but laugh at how much her husband seemed to think his sister would be proud of him for proper syllable counting.

-Later-

"Annabeth!" Medeia jumped out of the Maserati before it had even come to a full stop, and to no one's surprise but her own she came to a crashing, ungraceful tumble right to her friends feet. She didn't really seem to mind, only smiling up at her.

"Get off the floor, seaweed brain." The blonde laughed and reached out her hand. She accepted it, immediately pulling the girl into a hug. They pulled away as Apollo wondered up, the image of his laid back clothes and sunglasses clashing with the baby girl in his arms. Medeia took her away almost instantly and held her up where Annabeth could see.

"Look what I made!" She joked and Annabeth gaped down at it.

"Medeia, do you have any idea how rare that is?"

"What?" She and Frederica seemed to share a glance of confusion. They'd definitely expected something more akin to congratulations.

"You two have only been together, what, two years?"

"So?"

"Most gods are together for millions of years and they'll only have two or three."

"Oh." A blushed flushed across the her cheeks. "I guess...yeah."

"Congratulations though, seaweed brain," the blonde finally relented with a small smile. "She's beautiful."

"I know." Apollo interjected.

And for once Medeia couldn't help but agree with him.

-Story End-

AN: Next will probably be one where Medeia sacrificed herself about the pearls at the end of The Lighting Thief to save her mom, and just a progression over the years from there. Things will actually change throughout the story though. Probably Thalia will be the child of the prophecy. Medeia X Hades. Or if anyone asks I'd be willing to do one with Dionysus first, but both will come at some point or another. Hope you enjoyed this one (I know I enjoyed writing it), and stick around/follow for more in the future! Request any preferred pairings in a review. So far I have plots planned out for Hades, Hermes, and Dionysus, but if you have your own plot to go with one of those gods feel free to recommend it, too. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Sequel-ish thing to the prior one-shot, because I love this paring to death and I've been craving some Greek since I finished watching Xena.

-Story Start-

It was a wonder how slow Frederica had grown, at least in Medeia's eyes. She wasn't really sure what she expected in the first place she guessed, but it certainly didn't come to mind. It had been 10 years now since her birth, and she was maybe equivalent to a two year old. At the very least the ceaseless crying was over, the crying that had lasted 3 years. And now, with her daughter having a nap, she could finally get some peace and-

"_**ALMA OPRESSA~!"**_

Or not.

She groaned. She could hear the bellowing voice coming from a nearby room that sounded suspiciously like her husbands, but that was normal. The weird thing was that if she wasn't mistaken she could've sworn she was hearing... opera?

"_**DA SORTE CRUELLE~**_

_**PENSA INVAN MITGAR IL DOLORE~"**_

Now this she had to see. She waltzed up to the partially ajar door with her arms crossed and kicked it open, and sure enough there was Apollo, singing opera in the tub with his lyre.

"What are you doing?" She unfolded her hands to place them on her hips.

"Bestowing you with the gift of one of the greatest operas in the world sung by my awesome voice." He stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and he didn't look like a California movie star.

"Wait- so you actually _like_ opera?"

"_Like_ opera? I invented opera!"

"Of course you did," she shook her head in exasperation. "But _why_?"

"What?" He cocked his head to the side. "Do you not like opera?"

"_Nobody_ likes opera."

He gasped like she had just asked for a divorce rather than shared her musical opinion. She refrained from responding and simply waited for it. Within moments his hands were in the air in a haiku gesture.

"Under valued

Opera is my greatest gift to man

You don't understand"

He grinned at her as though waiting for praise. She snorted but shook her head.

"The first line was 4 syllables," she critiqued with a smile.

"Oh." He fell into a deep concentration and began muttering to himself while counting in his fingers.

"I'm so generous?" She offered only half- teasing.

"Hm..." He counted them out on his fingers. "Yes! That's perfect! I knew there was a reason I married you!" He grinned.

"Oh, well I'm glad it was a good one." She laughed and waved him off.

He grabbed her arm and started pulling her towards him. "I can think of a better one though."

"Oh,can you now?..."

-1-1-1-

"I should never have let you take that trip to England."

"Are you sure pie and lyre don't rhyme?"

"Just as sure as I am that sonnets are only ever 14 lines."

"But it works so much better as 15."

"Then it's just free-verse!"

"I don't _want _free verse!"

"Free- verse bad?" Frederica looked up at her parents with a confused furrowed eyebrow and a downward tug at the corners of her mouth.

"All poetry is bad," Medeia huffed.

"Not mine!" Apollo grinned, certain her statement didn't apply to him.

"And so is opera, country, and classical music."

He gasped, and dramatically clamped his hand over his heart.

"Really, you like all those things? I don't suppose next you'll be telling me you like Nickleback, too?"

"Well I-"

"Don't even finish that sentence." She shook her head again. "How did you even get this job?"

"Which one?"

"_Any_ of them. You don't even fly the sun chariot half the time."

"Because Artemis and I were dad's favorites when we were born."

"Ew, no, stop reminding me we're cousins."

"Well Zeus and Hera are brother and-"

"Shhh- no more." She groaned, covering Frederica's ears.

"Poetry bad?" She asked, still stuck on sonnets.

"Well," she glanced at her husband again. "I guess haikus aren't that bad."

"Man, I'm so glad you didn't get turned into a tree or anything!" He cried pulling her into a tight hug with Frederica sandwiched between them.

"Love you too, doofus." She smiled. "Now about this whole sonnet business.."

-Story End-

AN: Eh, not particularly happy with this, but whatever. As long as you are, dear reader! Don't forget to suggest any pairings or plot ideas you have in the reviews, and feel free to shoot me a PM any time! I'm glad to chat about whatever. Sometimes I take requests, so feel free to send me those, too. Have a lovely day, guys!

P.S. In case you were curious, the number Apollo was singing was Alma Opressa from "La Fida Ninfa" (The Faithful Nymph), one of my personl favorite operas of all time. definitely something you should check out if you're into opera :)


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